Case Closed.

I will never give my 100% love to a man.

That was a pledge I made to myself after witnessing how my dad betrayed mom.
 

It's been 14 months since we started dating.
I am welcome in his family and so he is.
Being in love and being loved is the most beautiful thing that anyone can feel.

Until it came to the point where I can no longer forgive his mistakes and the relationship is starting to run out of color...

After my graduation in college, I rarely reply to his text. He eventually got tired, then he stop texting me for 3 weeks. It was a cold romantic night of June 2009, and I couldn't hold back the feeling of annoyance and disappointment. I am holding my phone and I'm still hesitating if I'm going to end everything today.

" seems lyk ur hapi now & we b0th r. i thnk we nid to end evrythng now.
pls dnt try 2 h0ld me bck coz i dnt wnt our gud mem0ries 2 b pynful.
i wnt us 2 be frens. "

Message sent. I felt a bit of regret when I saw that message on my phone. However there's no turning back now. My phone vibrated and as I read the message, I smile as the tears slowly fall down on my cheeks.

" i undrstnd. let us talk about ds in pers0n. i courtd u in prson, s0 at least break wid me in prson "

I can feel the disappointment that he can easily gave up on me. But I was happy that for once, he showed something like what a real gentleman should do.

Three days after, we met at the mall. I am nervous and irritated at the same time. He is wearing the shirt that I gave him on our last trip. He's staring at me like there's nothing special about me. I tried to look confident and strong. I don't want him to know how I really feel right at this moment.

So friends? I offered my hand and smiled. He accepted it like it was not a big deal. After a few moments of silence we try to lessen the awkwardness that we feel.

I decided to go home then and he insisted that he will go send me home. I put my arms around his as if it was still mine. Right at this moment, I could feel the spark that was lost in our relationship. Then our hands fit in together unconsciously.

When we arrived at my house, he greet my mother as usual. Mom already knew that we broke up and I can see the confusion on her face. I act like I didn't notice her.

Before he walks out from the gate, he gave back my ring that I let him wear for awhile. Give this ring to the man who really deserves you. I can feel the sincerity of his voice and I wanted to hug him. Oh God! I really love this man... It was dark and I know he won't notice the tears as I accepted the ring. This means now that the contract officially ends tonight. He was about to go and I hold his arms and hug him like there will be no tomorrow. He hugs me back and hugs me tighter.

Can I take back my text? But those words stayed on my aching heart as he walks away. I was full of regret that night. I realize for the first time that I already gave my 100% love. It wasn't him who gave up. It was me. I can blame no one but myself.

We still text and chat sometimes since the last time I saw him. Six months has passed and I was still pretending that I already moved on. I still need to cry myself to sleep once in while as if things are going to change. I can still feel the disappointment and the regrets. I sometimes check his facebook profile to see how he's been doing.

It is really easy to move on, what you're going to leave behind is what makes it difficult.  

Just tonight, I checked his facebook account again, checked our old photos together in friendster, read his first and sweet text messages before that's on my phone. And it made me smile.

I am going to leave those painful regrets behind. Yes, I still do care for him, but I can finally let go. I am sincerely wishing for him that he will finally find the real happiness in life. As I am waiting for someone I can give my 100% love, my destiny, my eternity...