Jesus is the Reason for the Season

"Don't cry..." Emman said as we were walking out from the doctor's clinic. I really wish I couldn't cry but this is one of the hardest things for me to do, especially right now.

The doctor has just discussed about my major ear surgery and its complications (permanent facial paralysis and there's no assurance that the infection won't come back again - which will again require a surgery). I have not informed any of my close friends nor my family yet. Right at the moment, it feels like there is no one who can give me an assurance that the surgery will go well.

"Just pray." the doctor when I ask if there's a way to lessen or remove the risk of the surgery. I remembered these while walking out of the clinic.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

I am never a dedicated Christian. Although I've been raised by my mom about karma, whats wrong, we occasionally go to church and pray every night. I always believe that the constant prayers are enough.

7:28PM December 12, I was admitted to Velez Hospital. I need to receive antibiotics to get ready for the surgery.

Around 7AM December 14 and I was delivered to the Operating Room. There were a lot of nurses inside the room. I heard my doctor's voice scolding an intern or a new surgeon while somebody was shaving my hair. I was thinking "Lord God, I leave everything to you..." and I fell asleep.

"And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you." Matthew 17:20

When I woke up, I could hardly open my eyes.
I said to the nurse "I feel some phlegm on my throat."
"Maam, you can't throw it up because there's still some anesthesia."
I closed my eyes and then I remembered.
"Miss, I forgot about my operation" I said.
"Maam, the surgery's already done."

I didn't feel any pain. An hour later, I was delivered back to my room. I notice then the bandage covered around my head and my left eye, and I fell asleep.

Around 3AM December 15, I woke up very dizzy, hungry and in severe pain. My mom, younger sister and Emman was frantically walking around, not knowing what to do. I was throwing up when two nurses came and said that the anesthesia has already wore off, and everything was normal.

I was calling my mom and said "I'm hungry". However I could barely open my mouth to eat. I was in pain but I the nurses were still waiting for the doctor's response. I feel dizzy but noone can do something about it because it was the anesthesia's side effects. I feel so hungry, tired, and in pain as well someone's trying to crush my head and putting needles on my inner ear.

I just feel so helpless and think - if I were to die, everyone's life will go on. There was always this empty feeling lingering on my heart. Then I told myself, "Lord, when I go out from the hospital, I will send email and talk to people to ask or to give forgiveness."

The next few days were quite a struggle. I will eat a tasteless soup I used to hate just to put something on my stomach. A single move on my bed and I'll feel so much pain on my inner ear. There are times when it's not yet time to get injected on my pain reliever and I'll just have to force myself to sleep just to forget about the pain. There were few visitors who went on the hospital but I can only hear their voices.

I heard that the my colleagues gave up their exchanging gifts on the coming Christmas party to give the contributions and help the bill. The company I'm working on has been truly supportive especially our HR, Accountant, My boss and his family.

I could only move my right hand so I'll raised it to complain when I'm in pain. My mom, younger sister and Emman didn't get enough sleep.

On the third day, the doctor declared the surgery a success.
On the fourth day, I can start sitting on my own.
On the fifth day, taking few steps and eat.
On the sixth day, walking around and I can eat and talk properly.

I was discharged from the hospital that night.

The next day, I sent emails and messages.

December 23, I went to Church in Liloan, Cebu. People where singing and praising the Lord. I joined in.

Lord I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord have Your way in me ♫♪

"Don't cry..." I said to myself but this time, I wish I can cry. For so many times the songs has touch my heart and soul.

Then I remembered what my uncle said "Be his living testimony. Praise the Lord."

Lord God, I am your living testimony. From the bottom of my heart, I will forever be grateful for your kindness. You are the God All-Powerful. Thank you for being on my side all this time.

And you now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man takes from you. John 16:22

Thank you so much Lord God!
Happy Birthday, Jesus!